How much do you love and accept yourself? Do I love myself??
…And how do I expect others to love me? When I don’t love myself in the first place.
But, hold on.
…is it really so important to me? Can’t I just get along with my life just fine without all these self-love or others’-love or self-acceptance stuff?
Huh-NO! Not really
…In a way, you can get along just fine actually but,
You will likely never thrive!
To exist is, in one sense, to love oneself.
If you don’t love yourself, it may be difficult for you to be loved or love others hence one can’t offer what he/she doesn’t possess.
Natural self-love is one of the unavoidable laws of nature. Even animals acknowledge and foster it, which is why they tend to attack on observing a danger (trying to defend themselves) or flee.
Even Jesus Christ the messiah loved himself as well as he love mankind which is why the bible stated in Matthew 27:46: And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, la’ma sabach-tha’ni?” that is, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”
As humans, many things come our heads at the same time over a certain situation and we try to select that which may be best, easy, justifiable, acceptable or rewarding to us and/or others in a positive way, having encountered failures we blame ourselves, and hate ourselves as a result. Years after years we keep remembering that ugly past, and trying to justify and define ourselves with that.
… [Of which if it were others in such condition we would have compassion on them and have them forgiven but on ourselves …oh NO! we really don’t normally take it easy on ourselves], obviously, the mess is all well known to us unlike we may know others or remember their past.
Actually it’s just free & allowed to flash back on the past failures, mistakes, false accusations, criticisms, setbacks, unfulfilled promises and projects and others, but we don’t need to keep holding ourselves down there by allowing that ugly past, present debacle or inner self-critics to define us with all negative stuff which we might have done due to ignorance or been influenced by others or substances.
12 Tips to activate and improve self-love
Forgive and accept yourself: You have to accept your flaws, then forgive yourself if you truly want to flourish. Mistakes is supposed to be accompanied with learning and growing but we humans tend to be so hard on ourselves especially in taking responsibility for our negative actions, we tend to punish ourselves so much and forgetting learning and growing from there.
Learn to be less hard on yourself, always forgive yourself when you make a mistake. Remember, there would be no failures if you have learnt and grown from your mistakes, only lessons were learnt.
Give yourself attention: Every relationship benefits from quality time. Learn to appreciate your own company by taking time to do things that feel good and make you happy. Whether it’s pursuing a hobby, meditating, going for a hike, or taking yourself out to the movies, spend time with yourself doing the things you enjoy.
Be mindful of who you are: Always be conscious of what you think, feel, or want. Being mindful of who you are will always aid you to act on such regards, rather than on what others may think, say or want of you.
Change comparison and criticism to acceptance and appreciation: Try to be aware of when your mind begin to criticize or compare yourself to others. When those kind thoughts come, stop them and think about something you like in yourself, alternatively repeat a self-love mantra such as, “I am enough. I love and respect myself.”
Care for yourself: You will find yourself loving yourself the more when you take proper care of your basic needs. Boost yourself daily through healthy activities, like exercise, enough sleep/rest, good diets, healthy relationships and social interactions (read our articles daily lol).
Manage your scale of preferences [“Need” prior to “want”]: the love you have for yourself is increased when you’re able to turn away from something that feels so pleasuring TO what you may need to stay strong, focused, and moving forward with your life.
By focusing on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into pit or regrets or that may keep you stuck in always thinking about the past all to diminish your self-love.
Kill procrastination: You’ll eventually find out you’re loving your life the more when you’re able to defeat procrastination to a healthy limit.
Trust and confide in yourself: How would you feel if someone consistently and consciously broke their words to you or downplayed your needs? Doing this damages relationships, including your relationship with yourself. Whatever commitments you make to show self-love, make sure you honor them and make them your priority.
Talk with yourself and to yourself: Positive self-talk has a big impact on how you feel about yourself. Ask yourself how you would communicate with someone you love, care about, and admire, and then try to incorporate that communication style into your internal dialogue.
Set boundaries: Define your limits to feel respected and safe. Don’t be scared to say “no” to things that don’t serve you well. You’ll love yourself the more when you set limits or say no to work, relationships or activities that could deplete or harm you physically, emotionally, spiritually, or present you poorly.
Protect yourself: To love yourself you need to protect yourself from all things that cause you pain and loss [friends, relatives, substances] rather than happiness and success.
Protect yourself from toxic relationships. Get rid of things or people who struggle to minimize your self-love.
Always remind yourself and say, “I love my life, there stuff I don’t do or allow in my life”.
Live purposefully: You will accept and love yourself more, no matter what is happening in your life, when you live with purpose and design. Your purpose may not be so perspicuous to you.
If your intention is to live healthily and fit, you’d need to make decisions that support this intention, and feel good about yourself when you succeed in your purposes.
You will love yourself the more if you see yourself accomplishing what you purposed for. You need to establish your living intentions, to succeed.
Self-acceptance as the name implies means a state of total acceptance of oneself (all negative and positive attributes), embracing who you are without limitations, conditions, qualifications or exceptions. Accepting yourself no matter whatsoever transpired in the past, what you feel at present or how you may be perceiving the future.
If you’re thinking that accepting all the negative aspects of yourself sounds somewhat difficult, you’re not wrong!
However, to fully accept yourself and all your flaws and mistakes does not mean that you condone any bad behavior or accept and embrace unhealthy or harmful actions but In fact, it’s only by accepting ourselves that we can even begin the process of change or meaningful self-improvement.
Furthermore, it may be really difficult for some people (especially those who struggle to live) to practice total self-acceptance, most especially when it comes to silencing the inner critics, but that self-criticism obviously triggers negativity, anxiety, depression, QED. So it’s not really worth giving any chances.
You accept that you have made mistakes and that you have flaws as a normal human being, but you do not let them define you or shape your future.
The aim is not to encourage self-blame and guilt; instead, the aim is to move from the perspective that says “I hate my life now” TO “I’m going to be better, I can change from now”. Help yourself instead of burying yourself under doubt, criticism, and blame.
Accepting ourselves as we are means that we are all right, that we are not perfect, but we can improve. Lack of self-acceptance is related to lower levels of well-being, and perhaps even mental illness.
Impacts of Self-Love and Self-Acceptance to health and happiness.
Self-love and self-acceptance plays critical roles in our health and happiness.
When we fight against ourselves, guess who loses?
Accepting our strengths and weaknesses and reconciling the conflicting parts in our inner world is critical to our health and happiness. You cannot achieve anything substantial in the outer world without getting your inner world fixed.
Should you optimize your self-love and self-acceptance from this moment, you will surprisingly start attracting people and circumstances to yourself that support your well-being, that’s when you can accept much better your weaknesses as well as your strengths, have less need to explain away your shortcomings.
Tips to improve your self-acceptance
But what if we accept and love ourselves the same way we love our dear ones? One way to do this is by repeating mantras of self-love to train and increase our positive self-talk.
Train and improve your positive self-talk.
Some positive self-talk examples include:
- There’s just one me, I’m a unique person, I love myself.
- My value is not diminished by my imperfections or the perceptions of others.
- My mistakes and failures make me stronger, braver, and wiser.
- I am capable of achieving success and anything else I need in my life.
- I choose the people in my life. I welcome and appreciate those who love and respect me, and respect themselves as I respect them too.
- I am deserving of good things, I deserve to be happy.
- My path is my choice.
Positive self-talk is a “life-impacting skill [that] has the potential to change perspectives, attitudes, and reactions in regard to oneself, to others and to the circumstances in which we find ourselves.
Silently repeating some positive statements to yourself is observed to quiet the system responsible for your mind wandering, thinking about your past, or planning your future.
Positive self-talk is a sort of personal powerful meditation, it all stems from something so simple, but will likely lead us to accept and love ourselves the more.
Try showing yourself some love today by repeating a self-love mantra of your own, and pay attention to the effect it has on your mind and your outlook.
Love yourself so you’ll be loved by others and as well be able to love others
If you don’t love yourself you can’t be loved or love nothing else on this beautiful planet.
Self-acceptance as well as self-love is as important to our well-being as legs are to a table and chair.
Self-love and self-acceptance is very essential for physical and mental health as well as for happiness and fulfillment.
The more self-love you have for yourself, the healthier and successful you become.
Loving yourself is all about accepting yourself totally (100%). This is only achieved when you stop judging yourself.
It’s important to accept the fact that we all have flaws. Everyone makes mistakes. Making mistakes is not a bad thing and can barely be avoided completely hence it’s one of the best ways to learn and grow.
“Growth begins when we start accepting ourselves” -Jean Vanier